Warrior cats comedy show
by ninjastar142
Summary: This is where we put the warrior cats in some hilarious situations. One-shots. Sometimes the stories are related, and sometimes not.
1. Cinderpelts tretchary

**Warrior Cats Comedy show**

_The Battle_

_**Hello and welcome to my first warrior cats fanfic. For your convenience, bold and italic text is authored notes, italic text is the host speaking, and all other text is characters in the story and/or narrative. I'm new to this so r&r. also, I am going to start my own warrior cats revenge and truth or dare. It will be kind of like the original, but different. Anyway, I would appreciate some reviews with ideas for a name, a dare/truth or two, and ideas for more funny stories. Thank you.**_

_**Disclaimer: do I LOOK like four women?**_

_Welcome to the warrior cats comedy show! I'm Ninjastar, your host. On this show, each episode we feature a new funny story with warrior cats characters. Some will be your ideas, some will be ours. Anyway, welcome to the show! Please enjoy it!_

"Leafpool, go get me some catmint please." Cinderpelt said. "Yes Cinderpelt." Leafpool murmured. Leafpool walked out and towards the entrance to camp. "Leafpool! Where ya goin sis?" squirrelflight asked. "Lazy-ass Cinderpelt is making me get her some catmint. That bitch can't get off her fat lazy ass long enough to walk across camp even!" Leafpool complained. Sandstorm was walking by. "Damn straight!" squirrelflight agreed. "Shut up! You stupid cats are barely warriors, and you're still my kits! I catch you cussing again, Ill tear your tail off and make you eat it!" sandstorm replied and started walking away. "Mee-me-me, me me, bla blah." Squirrelflight mocked when sandstorm was out of earshot (Or so she thought). Sandstorm turned around, screamed "RUN, BITCH!" at squirrelflight and started chasing her around camp. Brambleclaw came out and said, "What, the actual, fuck? SOME of us are trying to get a nap!" squirrelflight stopped to slap him, and sandstorm caught up and almost beat the shit out of squirrelflight. "U-um, l-leafp-pool, I-I'm going t-to come wi-with you t-t-to g-get some ca-cat-catmint!" squirrelflight stammered. "Whatever." Leafpool said, and they headed out. Soon, they were at the old abandoned twoleg nest. "Damn, that shit smells good!" squirrelflight said. Leafpool gathered some up in her jaws. "Oh fuck it!" she said and ate some of the leaves. "Ohsweetmotherofgodjesusandfu ckingthatsgood!" she said. Squirrelflight said, "Don't leave me out of this goddamned party!" so she ate some and they both headed back to camp with pretty rainbow unicorns in their heads.

"Helooooooooooooooooooooo, Braaaaaambleclawwwwwwww!" Leafpool said. "Um, hi?" he replied. "Helooooooooooooooooooooo, Braaaaaambleclawwwwwwww!" Leafpool repeated. "Ummmmmmmmm, What's wrong with you?" he replied. "Helooooooooooooooooooooo, Braaaaaambleclawwwwwwww!" Leafpool repeated. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!" "Helooooooooooooooooooooo, Braaaaaambleclawwwwwwww!" Leafpool repeated. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Brambleclaw screamed and ran off to find some deathberries to get away from the craziness. "What's all the hubbub?" Cinderpelt asked, but was interrupted by squirrelflight saying, "Helooooooooooooooooooooo, cinderpeeeeeeeeeeltbitch." Cinderpelt looked her dead in the eye, with an actual icy stare, and said, " . . . ?" "I called you cinderpeeeeeeeeeeltbitch." Came the reply. "You have exactly two seconds to run away before I kill your ass!" Cinderpelt warned and ran into her den, grabbed a scar-h and came back out. "One…Two…run bitch!" Cinderpelt said. "ATTENTION CINDERPELT, LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPON! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!" came Firestars voice distorted over the loud speaker. Cinderpelt looked up to see cats with snipers and m40s surrounding the clearing. Needless to say, she dropped the gun. "GOOD, NOW BACK INTO YOUR DEN, **SLOWLY!**" Firstar ordered. Cinderpelt did so and once she was inside she said, "HA-HA BITCHES! WHERE DO YOU THINK I GOT THE GUN IN THE FIRST PLACE? THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! IVE GOT ENOUGH WEAPONS AND AMMO IN HERE TO LAST THROUGH THREE ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSES!" a gun turret appeared at each side of the entrance. "Shit, I'm a mutherfucking genius." Firestar said. Evrycat hit the dirt. "Brackenpelt! Get the fuck over here!" Firestar ordered. "Yes sir?" brackenpelt replied. "Call in windclan! We need air support! Sorreltail, call in riverclan! We need naval support!" Firestar ordered. "What about shadowclan, sir?" asked Brambleclaw. "DAMNIT BRAMBLECLAW! HOW THE HELL IS COVERT OPS GOING TO HELP US!" Firestar said. "Good point, sir." Brambleclaw said. "ohboywhatcanidofirestar?ihateyoubrambleclawyoustolem yfuckbuddy!iwishyouwoulddieanywayfirest arwhatcanidotohelp?" the always hyper ashfur said. "Ashfur, you want to know what you can do? Okay, ill make it easy, three easy steps. Step one, go out there. Step two, get shot, step three-" he was inturupted by his daughters talking at the same time "-pretty rainbow unicorns!" Firestar said, "Scratch that, save my daughters. Then go out there, get shot, and die." "Five munites to air support!" Brackenpelt said."Okayfirestarhereareyourdaugh tersimgoingtogodienow!" hyper ashfur said. "You do that-" **BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** Chhhh"Cinderpelt is down, repeat, Cinderpelt is down."chhhhh came over the radio. "PRETTY RAINBOW EXPLOSIONS!" sqirellflight said. Soon after, the two high as hell cats were put in solitary until the drugs wore off. Cinderpelt was revived because she is to important to the story to die.

_**Thank you for reading, please review and give me ideas for new stories. Uhhhh, I don't know what else to say, like I said, im new at this. **__Then shut up Nathan. __**Well hello Ninjastar. **__I thought you couldn't think of anything else to say?__** Well, your sort of a conversationalist. **__Bye everyone! __**Yeah, and keep an eye out for story two. Bye.**_


	2. Leonidas VS warriors!

**Chapter Two**

_**Okay, because of some comments in the last chapter, I am going to cut down on the cursing. Anyway, on we go!**_

"_Hello, I'm Ninjastar, and welcome to episode two of the warrior cats comedy show! Today, we have the warrior cats encounter with the one…the only…LEONIDAS AND THE SPARTAN ARMY! Anyway, this should end up in an epic battle."_

"Tonight, we dine in HELLLLLLLL!" leonidas rallied his troops, thinking they were just going to a normal battle, little did they know, there was a portal forming, an invisible wormhole to the dimension of warrior cats! In this dimension, thunderclan was having a normal day, shadowclan was silent for once and this led everyclan to be antsy. "Damn, why is shadowclan so silent? It's like they don't exist anymore!" ashfur griped to Brambleclaw. "Why are you talking to me? I thought you hated me?" bramble asked. "Well, the author decided we should get along for a chapter or two." Ash explained. "Hey, shut up!" I appear and slap him, then return to my computer."Anyway, back to my complaint…" ashfur rubbed his muzzle. "No…telling…" Brambleclaw was surprised, had he just understood a twoleg? "Bitch, I will end you if you don't shut up!" I slap Brambleclaw too. "_Can we just get on with the show?" _"Oh, yes, sorry, cat version of me…" _"SHADDUP! Anyway, back to the show…" _"That was…weird. Anyway, I bet their planning an attack!" ashfur growled lightly. "Who? The author and host?" ashfur slapped Brambleclaw, claws sheathed. "No dumbfuck! Shadowclan!" ashfur facepalmed-er, pawed, and then got into a battle stance. "Well just let them try and take my squirrely!" "Um, ashfur? She's, MY squirrelflight…"

~meanwhile~

"Firestar! Firestar! I've just had a sign from starclan! They say a twoleg threat is coming!" Cinderpelt cried. "Oh for fucks sake, will we have to move AGAIN?" Firestar griped, "We just got settled here!" "No Firestar, it's different, for once, starclan was very descriptive. It's an army of ancient twolegs, from the time cats were worshipped!" Cinderpelt explained. "Wait, we aren't still?" Firestar pulls out a random iPod and goes online. "Hmmm, LOLcats, , Four book series and numerous magnas about our clans…" "Okay, I see your point, but what I mean is from the time cats were worshiped as gods." Cinderpelt rolled her eyes. "But, we are gods." Firestar was immediately slapped by the she-cat. "You dumbass! We aren't gods until we die!" "Oh, yeah." Firestar climbed on the highrock to announce the clan meeting. "Why do we do this? We all have fucking iphones…" Cinderpelt slapped him again. "Fine, fine."

~meanwhile in the Spartan dimension~

"Lets GOOOOOOO!" leonidas led the way to fight his next enemy, when suddenly, his army started disappearing. "What the fuck?" soon he was teleported to the middle of a stone hollow, surrounded by cats looking at him funny, his army nowhere to be seen. "Who are you?" Firestar asked, then face-pawed, "What the hell am I doing? I'm a cat talking to a twoleg… THUNDERCLAN! CHASE HIM OUT!" he yowled. "You just…talked…I am talking to a cat…AND GETTING SHREDDED BY THEM TOO!"Leonidas started to swing his sword, only to realize he no longer had it. "Well fuck me!" he ran off to find his army, who were conveniently located in shadowclan.

"I'm not the only one who understood him, right?" Brambleclaw asked. "Yep, your insane." Ashfur replied. "Shut up assfur! Oooh, assfur, good nickname! You heard him too!" squirrelflight said. "Yeah, anyway, the reason I called the clan meeting was a sign from starclan warning us about this… There are more of him, a whole army, somewhere…"

~shadowclan territory~

"Helooooooo?" leonidas cursed himself for not learning anyone's names. Two cats came out of nowhere and one said, "WE FOUND ANOTHER ONE! MUST BE THE LEADER!" blackstar emerged from the bushes as well. "Please don't hurt me! I had enough trouble with another clan!" leonidas said. "relax." Blackstar said. "We're here to take you back to your army, and plot revenge on the other clan!" blackstar turned and started to walk away. Leonidas followed, unsure of what else to do.

"_Alright faithful watchers! It's time for a quick commercial break!" Ninjastar announced. "What the fuck are you talking about? No one pays me for this! I've got zip! Zero! Zilch!" I complained. "Well then find a way to make some money because I am hungry and the kitty wants the fishy!" Ninjastar said. "What? You're a made up character! You never have to eat! I just, aw fuck, made up characters eat made up food." I make up a fish. "That'll do pig, that'll do." Ninjastar pats my head. "Fuck you." "Well, anyway, on to the commercial!" "WE DON'T HAVE ACOMMERCIAL TO AIR!" "We don't?" "Nope." "Oh, then back to the story!" I face palm, rainbow dash appears and facehoofs then fang appears and facewings, then maka appears and maka-chops everyone into the next episode._

"Well that was…random…" Firestar stares at what I just typed. "What the fuck are you smoking?" no answer. "Anyway, Thunderclan, prepare to fight a bunch of twoleg mother fuckers. And probably shadowclan. Ass-I mean, ashfur? Make yourself useful and go get windclan and riverclan would you?" "Yes Firestar!" ashfur runs off and does as ordered.

Three days of plotting, training, and other fight-related stuff happens. And it's time for the fight. The three clan alliance totaling of about 100 cats, VS shadowclan and 300 humans. "We are fucked." Firestar says to leapordstar and onestar. "No shit!" onestar says and goes to rally his clan. "Firestar, there was something I always wanted to tell you…" leapordstar starts. "Oh fuck no, please tell me you don't-" Firestar began. "Yes, yes. It's time for the truth to come out!" she takes a deep breath and screams out, "I LOVE LEAFPOOL!" everycat stares at her. "What the fuck? Leafpool, from now on, no more leaving the clan! Too many cats from other clans love you! Crowfeather, feathertail, mothwing (duh), and hawkfrost! (No, not personally for that, but still fuckin hilarious!)" Firestar said. "Oooookaaaaaay, SHADOWSPARTANS! ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" blackstar calls out and they all start running for each other, but just before the Spartans hit the other clans, they disappear, much like before. "Oh no, fuck no, please starclan no!" blackstar cries out, his small clan of about 30 vs. three clans. "SHADOWCLAN RETREAAAAAAAAT!" shadowclan runs back to their territory, all the other cats start to head home, deciding never to speak of this again, most of them staring at leapordstar. This resulted in many cats running into trees. Soon, only Firestar, leapordstar, Leafpool, and squirrelflight were left.

"Leapordstar, did you really mean it!?" Leafpool gushed. "NUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNU NUNUNUNU!" Firestar and squirrelflight drug Leafpool back to camp. And things returned to normal-ish.

"_This is maka alborn, I'm signing off because I maka chopped all the others into next episode! All that's left now is this piece of paper that says: read when finished with show'" maka flips it over and begins to read it. "Hey who wants to be on the next episode of the show? All you have to do is tell me in a comment what your favorite person and gun combo is from black ops! The person will have to be from zombie mode and the guns from multiplayer or zombie. No exact repeats please, whoever I like the best will get a spot hosting or in the show! And, they can advertise one of their stories! Just answer the question and post a bio of your cat, or person (only if your hosting or commercial) and a link to your story! I will read the story but regardless as to whether I like it or not, the link will be in the commercial. One rule though, no sex stories. That's all, see you later!" maka started to put everything away when Leafpool and leapordstar appeared. "Do you really love me?" she asked. "Yes! No! Maybe! I don't know!" leapordstar replied. Maka chopped them both into the next episode. "Bye now!"_

_**Don't tell maka im here, or she will maka chop me again! Anyway, that was all true about getting a character into the show. I was up until 2 A.M. working on this and my black ops chapters, so, R&-shit! She found me! (Maka chops me into the next episode) "That's better. Now, R&R!"**_


	3. Thanksgiving

**Thanksgiving with the Warrior Cats**

_**Yes, I know it's a little late, however, I had no ideas at the time but I do now. Don't worry about Christmas though; I have some EPIC ideas already! Anyway, on we go!**_

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Me: I'm thankful that I own the warrior cats!**_

_**Erin hunter(s): no you don't.**_

_**Me: I don't?**_

_**Erin hunter(s): Nope.**_

_**Me: May I?**_

_**Erin hunter(s): Nope.**_

_**Me: Shit. **_

"_Maka albarn here, why am I hosting? Because the others haven't landed-"she is cut off as Ninjastar, rainbowdash, and the others all land on her. Ninjastar grabs the microphone. "Alright everyone, back to your respective dimensions." Everyone vanishes at once except for Ninjastar. "Welcome to another great episode of 'Warrior Cats Comedy Show!' Have you ever wondered what the warrior cats do for thanksgiving? Well, I know not every country celebrates it (duh) but anyway, today we will show what they do!_

"Hey Brambleclaw, are you excited about today?" Leafpool asked. "Exited? Hell, I haven't eaten all day! I'm starving myself for the turkey!" he replied. Firestar climbed on the highrock. "Alright peeps, here's the cats goin' on the hunt wit me!" he proclaimed. "I hate this new ghetto kick he's on." Squirrelflight complained to her mother. "Me too, I hope it's over soon!" she replied. "Yo! Shat da fuck up bitchs! Anyway, bramble, grey, and leaf. Y'all comin to hunt. Leafs only comin for support in case one o' you foo's shoots meh!" Cinderpelt had enough and ran up to Firestar and smacked him. "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!" she screamed in his ear. "Fine, fine." He jumped down and started to walk out of camp. "Let's go."

The group walked to fourtrees to meet with windclan, shadowclan, and riverclan. The other three clans were already there. "Whassup all?" Brambleclaw asked. Leapordstar stared at Leafpool. Leafpool stared back. "Okay, stop staring at my daughter; you're really freakin me out now!" Firestar poked at leapordstar. Blackstar handed out hunting rifles. "How the hell are we supposed to hold these? Let alone shoot them!" Greystripe asked. "Like this dumbass." Blackstar demonstrated, almost shooting off Brambleclaw ear. "Fuck, lets go before we kill each other." Greystripe said. "Why don't I get a rifle?" Leafpool asked. "Because your only here in case someone gets hurt! Now split up and find turkeys!" They magically teleported to a field full of turkeys that ran off.

Each cat went in a different direction, shooting as they went. Soon, two guns stopped. "Uhhhhh, we need a medic over here!" Brambleclaw called from Blackstars body. He waited forever but the only ones that showed up were Firestar, Greystripe, and onestar. "WHERE'S THAT DAMNED MEDIC?" Brambleclaw said. "Okay, Greystripe, look that way. Onestar, look that way. I'll go this way! Brambleclaw, keep him conscious!" Brambleclaw saluted and Firestar ran off. "Uhh, everyone but Firestar, come here." Greystripe called. Onestar, Brambleclaw, blackstar (who had lost a life) and of course Firestar appeared to see Leafpool and leapordstar making out.

"LEAFPOL! WHAT THE FUCK! Bramble, you and Greystripe take her back to camp! The leaders will finish the turkey hunt!" Leafpool was dragged kicking and screeching back into the clearing. "Oh for the love of- SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Greystripe shot Leafpools leg. Brambleclaw stared at Greystripe. Leafpool shut up. The teleported back and in three days, the day before thanksgiving, the leaders came back with three turkeys each. How they carried them, I have no flippin idea.

The rest of the day was spent cooking somehow and making the fourtrees clearing ready, by 11:00 the next day, all was ready, Brambleclaw was almost starved, and Leafpool was trying to kill Greystripe. "So…hungry!" Brambleclaw stared longingly at the turkeys before him. By 12:00, everycat was seated and served. The leaders prayed to starclan and everycat said one thing they were thankful for and they all ate. Afterwards, it was time for a short speech from a randomly selected cat about what thanksgiving symbolizes. This year, it was Whitestorm. His ghostly form came down from starclan, for even the war between starclan and the dark forest was put to rest on this day.

He sat on the highrock and began a short story of how it started. "Many years ago, catstofer Columbus, an escaped kittypet, came to this land and settled on it. The leafbare was easy, and the newleaf hot. And that's what this is all about. Memories and thankfulness of an easy time. Now screw you all, I'm goin back to the REAL party." He disappeared and went back to star clan. Everycat, starclan, dark forest, and clan cats all said at once, "HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"

"_So that's what they do for thanksgiving, who'd have thought it was their own holiday! So today's story was second series cats in the first series home. Next time, we go back to regular and shit. Anyway, I'm done here." The screen goes black._

_**Um, I think I need to have a talk with the host… Anyway, the offer from the last chapter still stands so go for the chance. You may be on for a single show or several, who knows. Well, anyway, that about sums it up. Ninjastar142 signin out.**_


End file.
